I'm just sayin'. . .

It's been an awfully LONG time since I blogged last. I've talked to myself alot, but I haven't taken the time, in a long time, to write down my thoughts. Maybe that's a good thing, but I don't think so. It probably would have been good for me to write during these past few years -- especially all the years we cared for my mum during her struggle with Alzheimers. I think it's definitely time to write again. To put my thoughts down on paper (or at least type them onto the computer).

So, I'm grossly overweight. I know, I know. Not exactly a surprise to anyone. Being that I'm a glutton for punishment (as well as anything I can put in my mouth) -- I'm going to confess my weight here in a public forum. On Wednesday, January 18, 2012, I weighed in at 206.5 pounds. There. I said it. I am 5' 6" tall and weight 206.5 pounds.

HOWEVER, a change is a'comin' . . . I have joined Weight Watchers Online. A few years ago, during my mum's illness, I did WW (attended meetings) for a couple of months. I didn't get to stay with it because I got very ill from an allergic reaction to an antibiotic that left me with hives for 9 months! But I digress . . . I decided that joining Weight Watchers Online was the way to go. I can keep track of my points (points are assigned to food that I eat) both on the computer and on my iPhone. Very easy!! And, I'm motivated.

I think motivation is definitely the key to losing weight. Motivation and discipline, of course. Motivation keeps me going and encourages me. Discipline stops me from saying "yes" to something that I should say "no" to instead. Weight Watchers allows me to say "yes," within reason, to foods that I may feel I absolutely cannot have otherwise.

Listen to me . . . don't I sound like an expert?? I'm at the end of day 3 of this journey and I sound like i know it all already! Ha!

So, this journey . . . yes, it IS a journey. Like all journeys, it has a beginning - a place I started at (approx. 60 hours ago) and a destination - a place where I reach my optimum weight loss goal. However, unlike a typical journey that has a definite beginning and a definite end (which usually results in a return to reality) -- THIS journey has to have a life-changing, never-going-back attitude. There can't be a return to normal . . . there has to be a NEW normal! And, now, I'm ready.

WHY am I ready? Simply speaking . . . I want to be here to see my grandchildren and to help raise them. I want to be an active part of their lives for a long time. At age 47 (almost 48) and with kids ages 19, 15, and 9 - it appears that I'm still a ways off from having any grandchildren . . . but I feel I need to prepare ahead to that time NOW.

I haven't been feeling well for some time. I've attributed so much of my weight issues to the loss of babies, the birth of babies, and the stress of caring for my elderly parents (who have now both passed into Heaven).

2012 is a not just a new year. It's a new season for me. After 6+ years, I am no longer caring for my mum. We walked with her thru her journey thru Alzheimers for 9 years -- six of them here in our home. She passed away peacefully on June 9, 2011. The grief process has been difficult as I've not only lost my mum, but also part of my identify as her caregiver. I am so very, very thankful that I had the privilege of caring for her. I won't lie. It was a very, very difficult thing to do, and our family sacrificed much to do it -- but we all feel very satisfied that we did our best to care for her and love her thru this disease. But now, it's a new season. A new chapter. A turn in the road. It's time to start paying attention to ME -- oh, how I HATE saying that!! It's just not comfortable to say ME and to emphasize it like that! But, I know that I have to do this.

I have to do this because my blood pressure is up for the first time that I can remember. Not horribly high, but significantly. Around 150/100. Not good. My cholesterol and triglycerides are ALL off kilter. Definitely not good. I have to make life-changing decisions now that will alter the path I've been on and place me on the path I need to be on. It's that simple.

And, so I begin. It's Day 3. Maybe by Day 365, I will have met my total goal of 155. That's 51.5 pounds from now. Not huge when you hear of people who have lost 150+ pounds, but definitely significant for me! That's 1/4 of my current weight. 25%. That means my current size 16 will be a size 10 again. Really??? Wow - sounds like a dream! I haven't weighed that since 1996. Is it possible at my age? I hope so. I want it to be. I want to make this change and live for my husband, my children and THEIR children.

I'm ready. It's a new day and I'm feeling ... well, I'm still feeling like a whale ... but I'm ready to start feeling good!