Beating on the Chest of God

This morning I emailed my cousin, Jonelle, in Australia who is losing a much wanted baby to a crisis pregnancy. She is one of my only Christian cousins. My heart broke for her and her husband Heath as I know their pain! As I remembered how it felt to lose my four precious babies, the vividness of those losses became palatable again. I advised her to climb up on God's lap, beat on His chest and plead with Him "WHY???" and then to collapse in His arms knowing that He loves her and will see her through this. Isn't that the type of relationship God wants with us? He doesn't want head knowledge. He wants us to be intimate with Him.

I learned after the loss of my first baby, Keiki Milimili (Hawaiian for "Beloved Child") that God cared about me WAY more than I thought He did. He poured our His love and mercy on me in heaps! His mercy was equal (and then some!) to my pain. He didn't leave me or forsake me. Instead, He embraced me. He held me while I cried. He let me question Him, "WHY???" And He answered me. He told me, "Child, I KNOW your pain. I KNOW your tears. When you cry, I cry. But, I also know the future!! And, I will be with you through it all." God spoke those words to me as He held me one night when I was all alone. Alex was at sea. My parents (whom I was staying with) were Christmas shopping. My grief overwhelmed me. As I lay back in bed, I suddenly felt God's arms around me, as if I were laying back on His lap. And, then I heard those words. What comfort they brought me! God didn't promise me that I would one day have a baby. He didn't even promise me a child. But He DID promise to be with me and to hold me through it all.

God keeps His promises.